Friday, March 28, 2008

Accidental Language

Sloppy language use and imprecise word choice can make you sound incredibly stoopid. As Mark Twain said, the difference between the right word and the almost right word is like the difference between lightning and lightning bug...

These quotes were culled by the Toronto Sun from real-world insurance claims, in which claimants were asked to describe in their own words what had happened in their auto accidents. One lesson is this: when in Canada, take the bus. Or a tank.


• “A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.”

• “A truck backed through my windshield into my wife’s face.”

• “An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle and vanished.”

• “As I approached the intersection, a stop sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.”

• “Coming home, I drove into the wrong house ands collided with a tree I don’t have.”

• “I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.”

• “I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision. I did not see the other car.”

• “I have been driving my car for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.”

• “I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.”

• “I saw the slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car.”

• “I thought my window was down, but found out it was up when I put my hand through it.”

• “I told the police that I was not injured but on removing my hat I found that I had a skull fracture.”

• “I was on my way to the doctor’s with rear-end trouble when my universal joint gave way, causing me to have an accident.”

• “I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.”

• “I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.”

• “In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.”

• “My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.”

• “The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.”

• “The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.”

• “The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions.”

• “The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran over him.”

• “The telephone pole was approaching fast. I was attempting to swerve out of its path when it struck my front end.”

• “To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.”

I knew there had to be a good explanation....

1 comment:

Jill said...

Ha Ha Ha Those were hilarious Dr. Pease Thanks!